what should i do

It's  10:14 am. its unusual for me to be up at this early in the morning.
I chose not to go to class (9am).
I had a chat with a friend and his friend.
We talked about how we scare our friends, teasing them that they are accompanied by ghost. After laughing for about an hour, we fell silent.


My friend suddenly made a statement, a very serious one.

"why do already rich people have a much bigger opportunity in finding a job, while people which are poor, that really needs to work, has a very limited opportunity?"

I was shocked, a moment ago we were laughing our guts out. I fell in a whirlwind of confusion.

I belong to a family in which we don't need to work our a** off to have a meal in our table. We own several apartment buildings, and the rent are sufficient enough for us to live a comfortable life.
But before this cozy life, my mom had to work double (my mom is a single parent). She needed to work abroad because of the higher earnings. So, I know how people need money that badly.

I felt happy, because I'm living comfortably. I felt sad because there are people who doesn't have the same luck that my mom had and the opportunity to have a decent job. And I felt mad, because I cannot do anything about the people who are less fortunate.

I belong to a small circle of friends (I'm not that sociable), but my closest friends also belong to a bigger circle of friends. And I'm lucky that I am also acquainted with them. I am not judging or degrading them or either boasting that i belong to a higher class in the society, but most of them are living a not-so-comfortable life.
some of them, needed to work part time than attend college. Some must stop their college education because of financial problems. I am not happy about it. I want to help them so badly, but what could I do? I am also dependent to my mom. If a friend needed a small amount of money, I let them borrow from me without demanding when they can pay them back. But still, i feel incapable. Incapable of helping them.

As I sit here, in my favorite cafe, my mind is flood with thoughts. What should I do? My future up ahead is still      blurry. I am not confident with my course and my self. Can I give my mom a better life? Can I help my friends? how about my relatives?


i really hope that someday my existence in this world would be worthy......

"i think you're ABNORMAL."

Define Abnormal?

How would you react when your best friend, out of the blue, called you an abnormal?

Would you feel hurt or grateful?

Me and my closest friends were having fun in our favorite cafe. We were laughing about things that we usually laugh about, talk about our friends who are very busy in their work and people who chose to leave our side and sought comfort in somebody else's  shoulder. As it was getting late, two of our friends needed to go home. So, my best friend and I were the only ones who were left behind. Our conversation went from comical to very serious life related experiences.

After tackling some of our similar point of views in life, we were both fell silent. As I was sipping my iced latte, My best friend suddenly told me, " I think you're abnormal." 

I was stunned not really sure what I heard was right. I stared curiously at her. Thinking that she was probably right.

She then  supported her theory, she related:

"When i am looking at you, i always thought that you might be abnormal, but not in a bad way. I was thinking that when i was at your age (20), i was already flirting with boys and had several boyfriends already. Always thinking about my appearance and cute boys. But you, as if you are trapped in your own world not thinking about how you look or how boys see you."

For me, that was enough for an explanation. I know myself very well, or perhaps not too well but enough, enough to know that my best friend's perception is the same on my own observation about myself. 

I admit, I am abnormal, abnormal in the sense that i am not trying to pattern my way of life to mainstream life of young adults nowadays. Possibly because of my childhood, the things I saw and absorbed when I lived in an inconsistent world full of chaos and pleasure, suffering and happiness, joy and sadness.

Now, I'm proud to say that I am abnormal! Knowing that I can think for myself and have the guts to do so without anyone influencing me. 

I'm very thankful that my best friend stayed by my side knowing that I am ABNORMAL!

That's what you call friendship!!

(trivia:my best friend is almost a decade older than me. but she doesn't look any older than me though.)